I both exercised and managed to get outside today.
I’m counting this 3 day streak as being quite tremendous. It’s certainly not something I’d expected. And why? Well… I had to go to a doctor’s appointment today. Not just a GP, but my Psychiatrist. I’m a little nervous of writing about it on here, because as much as mental health issues have become far more widely discussed in the past few years, admitting that you have problems is still a big issue. Especially when you don’t just suffer from Anxiety and Depression (bad enough in themselves) but from Schizophrenia too.
I normally find going to the appointments incredibly stressful, so didn’t expect to be in any fit state to head out for a walk afterwards. And this time I had a couple of extra things to discuss, so I knew that I’d be wanting to head straight to bed when I returned home.
I really wanted to cancel the appointment. I just wasn’t feeling well today. My doctor is a lovely man, so I’m not trying to avoid him. I just didn’t want to face the world in general.
But I’m glad I did. The clear blue skies and sunshine today were really uplifting. Made even better by the fact that in order to get to the clinic we have to drive 5 miles along the Front, so I was able to take in the gorgeous scenery of Swansea Bay as we pootled along.
One of the things I wanted to talk about was a seizure I’d had about a month ago. Another, was the fact that I have periodic episodes of disassociation. I think that the connections in my brain must be going haywire. Every so often, when I look at people they suddenly stop being ‘real’ people. They might as well be mannequins. It’s very hard to explain. But essentially, I can be talking to a person I know and love and suddenly all of my emotional reactions and thoughts go squiffy and I feel about as much connection to them as a I would a toffee apple. Thankfully it seems to only be related to the visual part of communicating. I’ve had to ask mum to hide behind a pillow so that I could just hear her voice. Then she’s mum again. Just mum hiding stupidly behind a pillow!
As I expected, this discussion wore me out and when I arrived home I promptly flopped into bed and fell fast asleep.
Which didn’t matter, because I’d already done my exercise for the day.
For some reason, at 5am I’d woken up, looked around and decided to hop on my recumbent bike. (“hop” is a little bit of a misnomer. I weigh 23 stone, I don’t hop lithely anywhere. I “clambered” on to that thing.) And then I pedalled for half an hour.
The day that was: 30 minutes on the recumbent
Steps taken: 5,023
Difficulty level: Easy