Janathon 2018, Day 24 – Nothing to report

I was finding that it was a bit difficult to breathe today, so I didn’t fancy exerting myself. Instead I dragged a fan from the backwaters of the Old Trout’s bedroom and stuck it so that it blew into my face.

Today’s Janathon activities include driving mum spare by walking up and down the house until I reached my daily step count and 20 kneeling push ups for good measure.

As you can see, my yarn arrived today. Crocheting will now recommence in earnest. I am roughly halfway through a double-bed sized rainbow flower blanket. So far it’s taken months. My patience is beginning to wear thin with working the same pattern and colours constantly. That’s why I got a couple of extra colours in my order. No, really… I didn’t just buy them because they were pretty. They’ll be good for breaking up the monotony. Thus allowing me to gain extra vigour for my blanket so that I can finish it faster.

Yes… okay. I just bought them because they were pretty 😒

Nothing to report Day: reached daily step goal, 20 kneeling push ups

Steps taken: 3,623

Difficulty Level: medium


Janathon 2018, Day 23 – Sleep Day

Some days I have to sleep all day. I get very cranky if I don’t sleep. I’m not just talking about being irritable. I’m talking Incredible Hulk style cranky. One moment I’m ripping doors off walls, the next I’ve fallen asleep where I lay.

No, irritable is how I felt last night when I couldn’t find my spare rainbow yarn ball and I couldn’t carry on crocheting.

It’s not a full sleep day today. I emerged from the covers at roughly midday to be told by the Old Trout that she was heading out to Asda to buy a squeezy marmite pot. It’s apparently going to turn into a geocaching container. I took the opportunity to drag us around the nearby B&M as well, in order to satiate my need for yarn.

We headed out. I completed my daily step goal whilst walking down the final aisle of B&M. Unlike yesterday, I didn’t cheer when that happened. That’s because I was in charge of the trolley and I am incapable of steering and cheering simultaneously without bad things happening.

That’s the pretty yarn I bought.

Mum couldn’t find any squeezy marmite in Asda.

And I’ve been in bed asleep ever since we got home. Now I need to go back to sleep – which I feel I can do, having reached the magic 3,000 step mark.

Oh, one more thing before I go. The filter arrived for the washing machine today. I screwed it in and now I have officially fixed the filter problem that the Old Trout was having. 😊 See: I am an adult that can do adulty things. 😉

Sleep Day: Reached Step goal

Steps Taken: 3,667

Difficulty Level: Easy

Janathon 2018, Day 22 – Fake rock

The recent snow melted significantly overnight so I persuaded the Old Trout that we should head out today for a handful of unfound caches.

As usual we didn’t stray too far from the car in any one go. And it took until we were returning from the last find of the day before I heard the beep of my vivofit3 informing me that I’d reached my daily step goal. I gave out a big cheer. But rather than congratulate me, the Old Trout told me off for making her slip on a particularly skatey part of the path.

This is the location of the last cache. Or “Ground Zero” as it’s referred to if you’re a cacher. As you can see, it was still a little icy here. But the cache container was soon spotted in its location nestling neatly under the front leg of the stile.

It was a fake rock. The type that were initially produced to hide keys in, but are now used the world over as cache containers.

Unfortunately once you’ve seen one fake rock, you’ve seen them all. For some reason all fake rocks are identical. They must be made from exactly the same resin mould. There’s probably a single, gigantic Chinese factory churning out millions of these things an hour. Actually, thinking about it, it’s probably not a good idea to hide your spare door key in one of these things. If a burglar also happens to be a geocacher he’ll be able to spot the fake rock a mile away. Even if it’s hidden in a large rockery.

What was not fake today was my forearm plank. Once again the Old Trout timed me. I pushed my luck slightly, by asking her to tell me how many seconds I’d remained upright in 10 second increments. She kept forgetting. I think she must have been overwhelmed by how much I looked like a plank today.

Fake Rock Day: 62 second plank, reached step goal

Steps Taken: 4,342

Difficulty Level: Easy

Janathon 2018, Day 21 – perfecting my plank

It was horrible weather here again today: cold and snowing. I didn’t particularly want to head out in that. Instead, I looked out of the window for a while at the birds clustering around mum’s bird feeders. I took about a hundred useless photos before deciding that it was far too cold for such nonsense.

So, more indoor exercising for me today.

I thought I’d have a go at a straight armed plank.

Well, that didn’t go so well. After a minute and a half in the best straight armed plank position I could attain, all that was happening was that my arms were a bit sore. And they would have been better exercised had I spent that time completing kneeling push ups.

The problem was my bottom. Well, actually no, it was my stomach. Oh let’s just face it: I am morbidly obese. The problem is my size.

With my arms straight my plank looks more like a bent branch than ever. I was there, lying on the floor, with my bottom projecting far too far up in the air. I hate to think what I looked like. But hats off to mum who was watching me the whole time and letting me know how my “form” was without laughing.

I tried to get that backside down. But when I did, the weight of my huge stomach pulled everything down so much that I was afraid of the stress I was putting on my back.

So, we decided that I should try the normal, bent elbow plank again and see if I could get a better abdominal workout with that.

Please bear with me for these descriptions. I hate being the weight I am. I especially loathe the size of my stomach. And yes, these descriptions make me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. But I believe that if obese people like myself can feel less ashamed when exercising then they’re more likely to be able to lead the healthy lives that they should be leading.

And so… back to the bent elbow plank: I found it! I finally found the “sweet spot” where my abdominal muscles start to tense.

With anyone of a normal weight there is a clear gap between the floor and their stomach. (As with the monochrome man above) But my stomach rests partially on the floor. I’d initially tried to stop this from happening. But my belly isn’t holding me up; it just happens to be too large to do anything else.

I’m really looking forward to seeing how long I can keep holding one of these true planks. And… when I fall, I’ll already be that much closer to the ground 😉

I completed today’s Janathon exercising by reaching my daily step goal and by doing 3 x 50 5kg alternating chest presses with mum’s lonely dumbbell.

Perfecting my plank Day: 1 useless plank, reached daily step goal, 3 x 50 5kg alternating chest presses

Steps Taken: 3,783

Difficulty Level: Easy

Janathon 2018, Day 20 – A walk in the snow

Today I braved the snow and headed out along a 2 mile long bridleway called Loy Lane. We have 6 geocaches out along the lane. Because mum can’t walk very far, my sister and I take it in turns to check on some of the caches further away from roads when we’re up in the area.

Mum came with me for the first couple of caches and then drove around to pick me up from the last one.

As you can see, along the lane there are an assortment of containers. Some, like the 2p piece are tiny. It’s extremely difficult to find. The largest container in this little set is the one with the snakes. I added extra swag and gave it a good clean with some kitchen towels. The camouflaged container which hangs up in a tree had somehow lost its lid, so we had brought a replacement.

It’s all go if you’re a cache owner. The only cache which didn’t need to be fixed today was the little blue man. As you can see, he was happy enough in his little grotto out of the snow.

And that was my Janathon exercise for today: I spent an hour or so by myself, wandering along, taking photos and periodically fiddling with a geocache.


A walk in the snow Day: 2 mile walk

Steps Taken: 7,809

Difficulty Level: Easy

Janathon 2018, Day 19 – Indoor bimbling

Snow stopped any outdoor play again today. So we bimbled about indoors. Yesterday I was unwell and unwilling to do any activity. But today I found myself sprawled on the kitchen floor underneath the washing machine. The flipping filter had got clogged and in trying to remove it from the machine, the Old Trout had ripped off the top cap. So it was well and truly stuck. So, with the fate of the cleanliness of my clothes lying in the balance I thought I should leap into action and show her how things were done.

I thought I could solve the problem in a jiffy. Not because I’m a know-it-all who thinks she can do everything better than her mum: but because she now has extremely poor upper body strength and manouverability, whereas I do not. I thought I could do this little job for her and then get on with the rest of the day.

Two hours later, after I’d flooded the kitchen with disgustingly foul water… after I’d pulled and puggled at the filter with various implements… after I’d been lying in that stinky water for far too long… After I’d wrestled with the machine to look underneath it… I decided that it was time to utter the now inevitable words:

“I’m going to try something. You don’t mind if I break it do you?”

“No. Go on.”

She has far too much confidence in me. But I did my best impression of one of the nutty engineers who turn up at the end of a film with their highly technical flux-chromographs and bejanggled-flowresistors and save the day. I took my big-screwdriver-that-shouldn’t-snap and some molegrips and I thrust them in for one final wrangle. The machine gave out some eerie cracks and crunches. And then a miracle happened: the filter flew out!

It flew out on to my face and deposited a whole load of gunk in my mouth. And it’s now well and truly broken. There’s also a pile of wet washing in the bath and the kitchen smells like the back end of a sewer. But the filter is out. That’s the important thing, right?!

After that debacle I cheered myself up by making this geocache. It’s designed to be wrapped around the bottom of a fence post. Hopefully, with a bit of extra artificial aging it should blend in really well and be quite hard to spot. You can see where I’ve chiselled out a hollow for the log to sit in.

And yes, this counts as part of today’s exercise too. Because if you’d moved as many boxes around trying to find tools, glue and nails as I did today you’d count that as exercise too.

And now on to the more conventional form of exercise for today: my indoor bimbling hadn’t racked up the steps I needed to reach my daily goal. So I decided to do some moving around to YouTube videos.

Boxercise – “The Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran. (because that’s what he does in the video.)

Wiggling About -“Whenever, Wherever” by Shakira (because That’s sort of what she does in the video.)

Indoor bimbling Day: reached step goal, 4 minutes of exercise

Steps Taken: 3,324

Difficulty Level: Easy